Isolation in the Digital Age

I shouldn’t be appalled, but I am. I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am.

Whether it’s the conversation about race, policing, immigration, or just about anything, the tone is downright ugly. Every discussion is polarized. It’s either/or and black/white. There is little nuance. If you try to bring nuance you’re seen as soft one way or the other.

Why is that?

Why can we not have real and nuanced conversation? Why is it that each of us are only looking for opportunities to shout down our “opponent”? Where is the real conversation? Where is the honest back and forth where people are willing to learn from one another? Where is the humility in the conversation?

I think a significant part of this is that there we are isolating ourselves. We live in a time when people are supposed to be more connected than ever. The problem is that we are also in a time when we can insulate ourselves from people who disagree with us. We have so many choices in our media and information intake that we can choose to only hear the voices that agree with us. We can filter our “friends” on Facebook and who we “follow” on Twitter. There are news sources all over the spectrum and we can choose to only engage with those whom we agree with.

This isolation and insulation from differing perspectives hardens us. We become like Plato’s cave people. We are largely losing our ability to engage with people who disagree with us.

When this happens nuance goes out the window. When this happens we begin to shout down our opponent. We lose real conversation and have no desire to learn from one another. We become arrogant.

I challenge you to open your information streams to those who disagree with you. Engage with them. Learn from them. Begin to learn the nuances. Don’t be satisfied with either/or, binary perspectives. You’re better than that.

Go deeper.

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Dogmatic Truth and Grace Part 4

I wrote about the most important thing I learned in Seminary, dogmatic grace. One of the people who commented on the post asked how this jived with St Paul’s statements of judgment in his epistles. There are places where Paul really brings some tough words about people and their belief (or lack thereof).

How does dogmatic grace connect to dogmatic truth? How do we apply these issues to our contemporary society?

A Thought on Application

How might we apply dogmatic truth and grace? In my post, Dogmatic Grace I wrote in general terms about a pastor who has written some things that have some people, rightly, concerned about where he stands theologically. How might we apply dogmatic grace and dogmatic truth to this particular situation?

First, after (it saddens me that I need state this, but there were denunciations based on the promotional snippet) reading the text one would write a review. Challenging the text where it needs to be challenged and also commending the text where the author was correct.

Second, after others have reviewed the text and giving appropriate time for the person to be challenged by those closest to him, you watch and see if he changes his position.

Third, after it becomes clear that he does not change his position then in private discussions you disavow him. In public you simply “have nothing more to do with him, know that such a person is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.” In other words, you ignore them. There is no need to engage further.

One of the great struggles for us is the immediacy of our current media culture. We see things in our stream and feel the necessity to comment on everything. We are too often reactionary when, if we have decided that someone has been “given over” we need to simply ignore them. In that case, we need to engage the original poster privately and share our concerns with them (ie Paul to Timothy) so that they avoid the pitfalls of the one “given over”.

A Final Pastoral Thought

As social media continues to be a part of our lives we must learn to use the public and private aspects of each platform. We must grow in our discernment regarding which conversations are fit for a watching world and which are not. When you go to engage with a post ask yourself, “Am I about to make a challenge that is helpful for the public discourse? Is this comment better served as a private conversation? Do I truly understand the context from which the original poster is coming from?”

Over the years, I have learned to private message someone and ask for greater context. This has helped my discernment greatly. I think this approach has also helped me to maintain friendships and relationships that may have been lost.

This is part three of a four part series:

• Dogmatic Truth and Grace Part 1


• Dogmatic Truth and Grace Part 2


• Dogmatic Truth and Grace Part 3


• Dogmatic Truth and Grace Part 4

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Lord, Have Mercy

Every day we hear more about ISIS, terrorism, and torture. Every day we are faced with new realities regarding race, class, and politics. Every day we hear about first responders losing their lives in the line of duty.

Every day.

It feels daunting. It feels overwhelming. It feels like there is little hope.

When we feel this way we need to remember something. We need to remember the humanity of Jesus. I like this tweet…

We lose touch with our humanity when we deprive God of his humanity. #advent

— Eugene Peterson (@PetersonDaily) December 11, 2014

Part of what causes us to lose hope is the loss of our connection with humanity. Advent is this great reminder of the fact that God took on flesh in God the Son.

When we remember the humanity of Jesus, we are reminded that he is not one who cannot empathize with our world. We know when we cry out, “Lord, have mercy!” He hears us as one who says, “Yes! Mercy, mercy to you! I know your pain, your heartache, your joy, your world. Have hope! Mercy, mercy to you!”

There’s something beautiful about the reality that when we draw near to God we draw near to one who knows what we’re going through. He is not aloof or uncaring. He truly empathizes with us. He truly walks alongside us in love, grace, and mercy.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John 1:14 ESV)

It’s Advent. Draw near to the one who dwelt among us.

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Care for the Other

One of the things that I like about living where I do is that there are so many different kinds of people. It’s probably my favorite part of Doubt on Tap every Tuesday night, the diversity that surrounds the table.

A number of years ago I would not have been able to sit around the table at Doubt on Tap. Why? Because I would have been trying to “win”. I would have been looking for opportunities to “win the argument”, I would have been baiting people into making philosophical or logical errors to beat them in the “debate”.

I would not have been there to listen and learn. I would have been there to win.

I didn’t really care about other people. I only cared about myself and being right. If you asked me whether or not I cared for others, I would have said, “Of course! Why do you think I want them to know the truth?” But, I didn’t care.

A few years ago that changed. I stopped worrying about winning. I started to care about other people, legitimately. I wanted to learn from them and hear what they thought. I really wanted to deeply understand their view of the world. I asked questions and I sincerely wanted to hear the answers.

When I began to care about others, a whole new world opened to me. I began to see the beauty in the other. I was no longer afraid of them.

I wonder if people who are different from one another might realize that the other is a person of infinite value if they would begin to do this one thing, care.

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Repentance is Freedom

I have been teaching through Luke during our worship gatherings. As I prepare each week I’m surprised by how often repentance is brought to the fore by Jesus.

I shouldn’t be. But, I am.

Why do you think that is? Why are we surprised by Jesus constant and consistent call to repentance?

Could it be that we don’t really think that we need to repent? I know that’s true for me. You see, I was sold a bill of goods when I became a Christian that it was just about praying a prayer and then I was “saved”. I was, spiritually “all better”. But, I wasn’t. I was still messed up on the inside. I was still angry, hurt, and sin was running rampant in me. I was “saved” but I wasn’t experiencing salvation. I had work to do. I needed to “work out my salvation in fear and trembling.”

This fear and trembling is the work of repentance and faith. It’s the hard of dying to self and coming alive in Christ.

As sin is exposed in our life we experience guilt and shame. Repentance frees us from guilt. Repentance allows us to raise our heads and look up in faith. As we repent and turn back to God in Christ through faith we are freed from guilt and shame.

I need to repent. Every single day. Over and over and over again. Why? Because I’m still working out the sin issues in my life. I’m daily working out living into the faithfulness of God on my behalf in Christ.

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The Problem of Scale

Nearly every day I see posts about how other countries do things so much better than the United States. Whether it’s education, the environment, law enforcement, or just about anything else it seems that there is a country out there that does it better than the US.

I started wondering why that was the case. Why do we do so many things wrong? Why is it so hard to change?

One word: scale.

The United States of America has a problem of scale. We have too much of it. There is too much diversity. There is too much land. There are too many people. There are too many states. There is just too much.

People have heralded the free university education provided by Germany. Did you know that Germany is basically the size of Michigan if you include the Great Lakes and bits of Indiana and Ohio? Germany is also largely homogeneous ethnically. Did you know that a city in Michigan has been offering its residents a free college education for much longer than Germany? Do you know why a city could do that before a country? Scale. Do you know why Germany could pull off something like this before the US? Scale.

A speed boat is easier to turn than a cruise liner. Do you know why? Scale.

I think this issue of scale applies for the Church as well. When our communities become too big we lose the ability to change easily. Why? Scale. There is power in staying nimble and intentionally just the right size. It’s better to have many smaller communities of faith than one large one. When we have neighborhood level faith communities we can easily change and adapt to the needs of the people.

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Giving Is Always Offensive

We were working on moving from Canton, MI to Ypsilanti, MI and we were getting rid of stuff. I was amazed at how much stuff we had that we never used. Around the corner from our neighborhood was a Goodwill thrift store. We dropped our stuff off there, knowing it would be sold for pennies to people who needed it way more than we did.

I made the fateful mistake of checking in on Foursquare that day. The check-in posted to Facebook.

All hell broke loose.

People were upset that we went to Goodwill. Then other people were upset at the people who were upset with us.

All we wanted to do was give some things that still had value to a place where people who needed them could get them. I was shocked to see the back and forth and anger that was caused by something like giving.

When Cru officially changed its name from Campus Crusade for Christ to Cru lots of people stopped supporting the missionaries because of it. To some, giving to Cru was a capitulation to the world. They were angry and offended that you would continue to give to an organization that took "Christ" out of its name.

I'm learning that giving is always offensive. Whether you give of your time or talents or treasure it will offend someone. Giving is risky business. If you give, you'll probably take some heat.

But, hey, do it anyway.

Because I'm also learning that doing something worthwhile typically means you're offending someone, somewhere.

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Between Pain and Pain

I live in a city where black folk and white folk live together, work together, and play together. I see in the conversations and faces around me that the things that are happening in our world are not disembodied, it's not just out there. The pain is real. The fear is real.

I live in a family where my brother and closest friends are police officers. I know that most police officers are good men and women. I know that most police officers are sickened by what they saw on that tape where Eric Garner died. I know that most police officers will never discharge a weapon and that most would never do the things that a few do.

Yet, something that a friend said Tuesday rings in my heart and my head,

"This legal system was not originally designed 2 deliver justice 4 black men, cause we were only considered 3/5 of a man." -- me last night

— Tyler St. Clair (@TylerpKCC) December 3, 2014

I've never thought about things this way. Our country was founded on the basis that some of the people in our country were less than. At some point, if we're going to embrace the pain of our brethren we must come to terms with the reality that we must also speak for them.

I also must speak for the good men and women who wear blue. They rush in when others rush out. It's easy for us to judge when we've never faced the evil they face daily.

If we are serious about justice, racial harmony, and above all, love; then we must be able to speak for both.

We must speak against the injustices experienced by the minority cultures in our country. We must also speak against the violence and crime that police officers must face every day. It cannot be either/or. It must be both/and.

We are standing between pain and pain. Our voices rise from between fear and fear.

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Overwhelmed By It All

Overwhelmed. That's how I often feel when I log into Facebook or read my Feedly. Every day there is an article about what the Church "should" be doing. Which means every single day there is another article about what I "should" be doing.

We are supposed to be about social justice.

We are supposed to be about racial reconciliation.

We are supposed to care for the poor.

We are supposed to care for orphans.

We are supposed to do evangelism.

We are supposed to help animals.

We are supposed to....

This list just goes on.

It leaves me with a sense of feeling overwhelmed. It creates in me a sense of guilt and shame. Am I not doing enough? Are we not doing enough? How do we do one more thing? There are so many problems in the world and issues that we're supposed to care about, how do we possibly engage with each and every one?

All these things are important, no, they're all very important. The Church does need to address them all and be a part of creating solutions. Here's the thing though, me as an individual, you as an individual, don't have to.

Have you ever heard the little parable, "How does one eat an elephant? One bite at a time."  It is true. Here's what we're called to do, come alongside and be a cheerleader for the our brothers and sisters in Christ as they engage in the different things they're called to. As we do that, we are to remain faithful to the issues that God has called us into.

What is your piece of the puzzle? Share it below. I would love to pray for you and be your cheerleader.

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Conversation Makes A Difference

On Tuesday nights I hang out with a group people for something called, Doubt on Tap. It's a great time each week talking about issues that are important. We discuss politics, religion, and current events. Basically all the stuff you don't talk about in polite company.

This week we spent some time talking about issues of race. It was intense. It was so good though. People from all different backgrounds around a table being honest and being real creates something beautiful.

I was reminded last night that these conversations make a difference. They make a difference because ideas, concepts, and ideologies become people. People have names and stories. It is really hard to hate a person.

It is easy to be snarky and condescending behind a computer screen. You're just being mean to pixels. But, when you're face to face with someone, it is really hard to be simply mean.

If nothing else happened last night at Doubt on Tap I know this did: black people and white people talked about race and our world and that these folks will now have faces and names to put together with the events of our day. For those of us at Doubt on Tap the events in Ferguson are no longer disembodied images on TV but they tie into stories of real people around a real table in Ypsilanti, MI.

 

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Embrace Another's Suffering

One of the things that has struck me over the last week is how unwilling we are to embrace the suffering of another. A friend of mine, Tyler, wrote an amazing piece about race. He's taken a lot of heat. I've seen friends write things and I've heard friends say things about race that have a lack of empathy.

Paul says,

If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. (1 Corinthians 12:26 ESV)

Are issues of race hard? In some ways yes, some ways no. But, this is the place to start. We must start here within the Church. We must start with Paul's statement, an indicative, that if one member of the body suffers, all suffer and its converse.

There is a sad reality in our country that our black brothers and sisters must face things and experience things that us white folk do not. We can't fix it by dwelling on the past or trying to display our "white guilt". What we can do is embrace the reality of suffering and listen and love well.

As another friend said, "Par for the course, I'm afraid, but the level of tone-deafness is appalling." Tone-deafness is the lack of entering in with another. We shouldn't expect the world to get this. Church, I expect you to get this. I expect more from us.

Our unwillingness to listen and embrace the suffering of one another is catastrophic.

Jesus said,

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35 ESV)

This week it may have been a little hard for people to know us. "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."

 

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A Pastor's Response to Ferguson

Last night was the latest in our country's history of local violence and rioting. It is heartbreaking and it is devastating a town that was already filled with pain and heartache.

Before I go further my cards need to be on the table. I am a white guy. I grew up in an area where there really weren't any minorities. My brother and the best man from my wedding are police officers. One of them serving in an urban environment. Thankfully my life has taken a turn where I now have come very close friends who are black. One of these friends is a police officer. I live in a community where my neighbors cross most racial boundaries.

I have no doubt about the white privilege that I experience on a daily basis. I have no doubt about the systemic racism that my black friends experience on a daily basis. I have witnessed it. I have witnessed it when I was with them. I have seen it in places like my son's football field. It is real and it is present.

If I want to engage in this conversation I must at the start admit, confess, and clearly state that I don't have a clue about what the black folk in my community experience on a daily basis. I must realize that there is a reality in my community that I don't experience. I don't know what it's like to live daily in fear that I just "look like that other black person". I don't what it's like to be followed around the store or to have old women clutch their purses as I pass. I don't know what it's like to have a first assumption made that I'm probably a bad person (well, this one maybe).

I just don't know. My cards are on the table.

--

So Church, how do we respond?

First, we need to check our own hearts. What are our presumptions? What are our own prejudices? What are our own experiences with race? What are our own experiences with the police and with the power structures under which we live?

Second, we need to learn about the hearts of others. What are their presumptions? What are their prejudices? What are their experiences with race? What are their own experiences with the police and with the power structures under which they live?

Third, we need to learn the value of listening and research. In a world of immediate media we are quick to speak our opinions and slow to pray and learn. We must learn the art of being fast to prayer and slow to speaking. Proverbs 29:20 is helpful here, "Do you see a man who is hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him."

After we have done these things, we search the Scriptures. We need to learn what God says about justice and law, grace and mercy. Any fool can utter an opinion, we as the Church need to take the Scriptures into account because as a friend of mine likes to say, "The world is watching."

Finally, before we respond we must ask, "How do I respond with grace and truth in love?" This may be the hardest of all questions.

--

As I have been preparing my own heart for this day, I have come to this conclusion: In our world there are two kinds of justice. The justice of the state and the justice demanded by the gospel. The first is largely out of our control. Neither you, nor I, can really control the justice system of our country. The second though, is where we have significant influence.

We don't know the ins and outs of a particular case. I don't live in Ferguson and so I can't do much about bringing the justice of the gospel there. However, I do live in Ypsilanti and here, here I can. Here, I can influence the person at the bar or coffee shop who sits next to me. I can influence my neighbor. The justice that the gospel demands is hyper local. Eugene Peterson says it well, "The ways Jesus goes about loving and saving the world are personal: nothing disembodied, nothing abstract, nothing impersonal. Incarnate, flesh and blood, relational, particular, and local."

Our response as ambassadors for King Jesus is to bring grace, truth, love, and mercy. Ultimately this means that we need to be reconcilers. We need to help both sides of a situation like this understand the other. For those who hate the police we must show them the good and help them understand what people like my brother go through on a daily basis. The fear that he will pull someone over and be shot. The fear that when my sister-in-law calls it is to tell us that he won't be coming home today. The constant awareness that he has to have every where he goes with his children because someone he arrested may want to hurt them. He's always living on edge.

For those who don't understand the response of the black community to this shooting we must help them to understand the fear that they live with every single day. We must help them understand that every day they live in fear of being arrested while being black. We must help them understand that there is a disproportionate number of black folks living in poverty and in jail. We must help them understand that living in America as a black person is not necessarily a blessing. They're always living on edge.

If you're a follower a Jesus you are called to be a bridge, to be a peacemaker. If you can not fulfill this role, then it is best to not speak but to pray. Pray for your own heart first and then for the others.

The world is indeed watching. May we make peace in our neighborhoods.

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Be Real. No Don't.

"Be real."

"Be authentic."

"Share your heart."

These are all pieces of advice people give to emerging Christian leaders. What they don't tell you, is that you should only do these things if being real and authentic are happy things. We don't want to hear about the hard stuff. That just doesn't fit with the myth of the "happy Christian life".

Have you noticed that there are very few laments in popular Christian worship music? They just don't exist. Yet there are many psalms of lament. There's even an entire collection in the Scriptures called Lamentations.

We ask, "how are you?" But we don't really want to know.

When the Church is really being the Church something changes. The community of believers becomes a safe place to be messy. It becomes a place where we really do want to know. We want to know what's hard.

I've said often, "We are what we celebrate." I agree wholeheartedly with that. As I continue to grow as a pastor I'm learning that this statement is just as true, "We are what we lament."

Jesus was a man acquainted with sorrow and grief. He was also a man acquainted with joy and celebration. This is the beauty of following a crucified and risen savior. The pain and the joy are both valid.

While some would have us hold back our lamentations, Jesus embraces us in them as much as he embraces us in our joys.

For the follower of Christ, we really are to be real and authentic. We really are to share our hearts with one another. This community, this body of Christ, is a place where we are embraced in lament and joy.

While some say, "Be real. Umm...No don't." We need to say, "Be real. Good and bad. Joy and sorrow. For we love you, all of you."

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Sunday Scriptures: Grace Overflows

In Ephesians Chapter 1, St Paul writes;

Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, To the saints who are in Ephesus, and are faithful in Christ Jesus: Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved. In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth. (Ephesians 1:1-10 ESV)

Ephesians is one of my most favorite texts. I love reading it, over and over and over again. Why? Because it's the gospel. Paul lays out in Ephesians this beautiful, concise snapshot of what it means to follow Jesus.

Where he starts sends my heart and imagination soaring. "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places, even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him." God the Father didn't accidentally do anything. His perspective is so far outside ours that we can't really get our minds and hearts around it. He has blessed us. It's a finished action. Not only that, but he's chosen us and we are on our way to becoming holy and blameless.

Paul doesn't stop, "In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved." In love, we were predestined and adopted. What a beautiful reality, before any of us ever were, God in his love grabbed on to us as his own all because of his "glorious grace".

It keeps going though, "In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth." Redemption and forgiveness all by grace which is "lavished" on us. He's done this in the context of his wisdom and insight and is bringing unity to all things as a result.

When one follows Jesus, this is the reality of what God has done and is doing on her behalf. This is overwhelming and awesome. As I meditate and ponder on this passage I am laid out by God's goodness, grace, and mercy. His love leaves me filled with joy unspeakable. My heart overflows and my soul is at rest.

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You Must Change

I'm a pastor in an evangelical denomination. That means that my denomination has stated that it wants to be about reaching people who are from God and helping them to enter into a relationship with him.

I love that.

I'm a pastor in a missional denomination. That means that my denomination has stated that it wants to intentionally move towards being where people who are from God live.

I love that.

To live out these things though, we have to change. If we want people who have never darkened the door of a congregation's building to come to know Christ, then we have to change. We have to do things differently. We have to ask ourselves really hard questions about why we do what we do, how we do what we do, and where we do what we do.

But, we don't. Because we probably won't like the answers. The answers will cause us to change.

If there is one thing that most of us don't want to do, it is change.

The thing is, if you want to take new ground you have to change. Whether its business, missions, or sports ball, change is what is required to get to the next level.

What do you think needs to change for you to grow? For your church to reach the people it says it wants to? For your business to achieve the dreams you have? What needs to change?

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Be That Guy, Your Pastor Needs You

More and more studies are coming out about pastors and the realities of their calling. In my denomination there have been two pastoral suicides in the last 12 months. As you can imagine, this has raised some concerns in my wife's heart. We have conversations about my 'feelings' and such.

Being a pastor is really hard. There's no two ways about it. Your life is given to others. You enter in with people's greatest sorrows and greatest joys. When you're new at all this you have a picture of days spent studying the Scriptures, preaching, and writing. You think your sermons will change lives. Then you wade into the reality of being a pastor. You find out that it's not your sermons that change lives, it's God. You find out that people are never finished. There's no closure. You discover that giving people all of yourself isn't enough, because they don't want you, they want Jesus. And you're not him.

Your family doesn't get you and most of your friends don't get you. "Why can't you come to this family thing on Sunday? Just have someone else do the sermon." "You never come to family things during the holidays." "Why can't you get away? Everyone else can." "So you just work one day a week, right?" "You're a pastor, how about you pray for the meal."

Being a pastor is the weirdest, hardest, most beautiful calling there is. But it raises a question -

How does one survive this? You need "that guy".

Every time Amy and I have a conversation about my heart there is this one thing that keeps things square: Three men who I know are completely and totally safe. Three men in my life that I can share anything and everything with. Three men who will tell me, "You're being an idiot." Three men who will say, "We're so angry along with you in this..." Three men who will fight for me. Three men who will drop whatever their doing, wherever their doing it and show up. Three men who I can call, text, email, tweet, Facebook, or whatever in the middle of the night and they will respond. Three men who will constantly and repeatedly preach the gospel to me, over and over and over again. Three guys who are "that guy" for me.

How does someone survive being a pastor? You need "that guy" in your life. You need the guy who will be your pastor, not because he has to but because he just "is".

Do you want to encourage your pastor? Do you want to love them well? Start by inviting them over for dinner and watching the game together. Or maybe just go have a beer and talk about the weather. Start taking steps toward being "that guy". Show up and be there. Learn to keep confidences.

Pastors do you want to make sure you're healthy? Do you want to make it? Cultivate a relationship or two with others that can be "that guy" for you. Some day you will need them.

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Don't Whine. Do.

Yesterday I found myself feeling whiny.

As a parent there are few things that drive me as crazy as whining. When the children begin to whine my mind begins to go away. It slips out unnoticed and it is difficult to find again.

I began to ask myself why was I feeling this way?

There were things that I didn't think I had power to influence. Things felt like they were out of my control. They are.

However, whining is useless. The reality is that I can change more than I realize. When I look to the left and the right, I can make change. I can begin to 'do'. As my friend is fond of saying, 'Acta Non Verba'. That's right, actions not words (yes, I get the irony in this moment).

I've resolved that when I feel the whine begin to rise in my heart I'm not going to let it win. I will open my eyes and look around and take action.

Don't whine. Do.

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Millenials, Boomers, and Leadership

Post by Daniel M Rose.

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You Can't Handle It Alone

Yesterday I wrote about the reality that God does indeed give us more than we can handle. It is when he does that we learn faith. The thing is, there's more to it.

Paul writes this in his first letter to the church at Corinth,

The eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.” On the contrary, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor, and our unpresentable parts are treated with greater modesty, which our more presentable parts do not require. But God has so composed the body, giving greater honor to the part that lacked it, that there may be no division in the body, but that the members may have the same care for one another. If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together. (1 Corinthians 12:21-26 ESV)

Part of the reason that we are brought to a place where we can't handle it any more is for us to learn that we need others. Most people are always trying to be totally self-reliant. When you become a Christian you enter into something larger than yourself. You're part of the body of Christ. You're part of the Church. No one part of the body can say, "I have no need of you." Even more than that, "If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together."

No, you can't handle it. You can't handle it because God wants you to lean on others around you. God wants you to learn to be part of the community. God wants you to know your need for "the hand" or "the eye".

In Exodus 17 we see a moment where Moses was in over his head. He couldn't accomplish something alone, God had given him more than he could handle,

Then Amalek came and fought with Israel at Rephidim. So Moses said to Joshua, “Choose for us men, and go out and fight with Amalek. Tomorrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the staff of God in my hand.” So Joshua did as Moses told him, and fought with Amalek, while Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. Whenever Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed, and whenever he lowered his hand, Amalek prevailed. But Moses' hands grew weary, so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it, while Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side. So his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. And Joshua overwhelmed Amalek and his people with the sword. (Exodus 17:8-13 ESV)

Moses needed Aaron and Hur. So do you, so do I. We need people to hold our arms up. That's the point of community. No, you can't handle it. No you can't handle it alone.

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You Can't Handle It

Christians want life to be easy. Many of us were sold a bill of goods when we "placed our faith in Christ". We were given a picture of the happy Christian life, a life of minimal pain and suffering.

But, it turns out that the Christian lives in the same world as the non-Christian and life is still hard. We face pain, suffering, and hardships. Life is just as hard for the Christian as it is for the non-Christian. The difference is what happens when the Christian comes face to face with a hard time.

Many give us platitudes. The most often often quoted platitude: "God won't give you more than you can handle."

Do you want to know a secret? That's not found anywhere in the Scripture.

It's complete and total baloney. God does give us more than we can handle, regularly. James writes this,

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4 ESV)

"When you meet trials of various kinds..." There's no if, it's when. You can't handle the trials. None of us can. They stretch us beyond what we can bear. It's in that place of being stretched beyond what we can bear that we finally have to step out in faith. The people who spew the prosperity gospel (Osteen and his like) short circuit what real faith is. Having a deep and abiding faith means that you get to experience more and more difficult trials. It doesn't mean you're freed from them.

"Count it all joy..." says James. Why is it joyful? It is joyful because it is in the midst of the trial and the pain that we learn how to trust in God. It is in the midst of that place when we absolutely cannot handle it that we get to see God and we our faith grows.

I love the family history recorded in the Scriptures, Moses, Elijah, Elisha, and the rest. They were taken beyond what they could handle and their faith and faithfulness grew as they learned the faithfulness of God.

When we go through the trials of our lives, when your friends go through the trials in their lives, do not give them platitudes. Point them to God in faith. Preach the gospel to them. Let them know it's OK that they can't handle it. They're not meant to.

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The Need To Act

When I try to start new things I find it hard. It seems like new things are an interruption in my schedule. They don't seem to fit. New things are awkward.

The simple reality is that when a new thing enters my world I need to act.

I want to go to the gym regularly. By regularly, I mean, every day. My schedule is flexible, I have no excuse not to go to the gym every day. The only way to get to the gym is to get in my car and go there. I can't imagine myself at the gym. I can't dream myself to the gym. No, I have to act.

To live is to change.

If we are going to live we have to act.

Do you want to do something new? Act. Stop talking about it and go do it.

What do you want to do today? Share it in the comments...

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Projection

Projection is something that all of us do. Projection is something that all of us have experienced. It's when someone has something going on in their life and they feel powerless to deal with it. So they find an area where they feel they have some level of power and express anger or frustration.

When projection happens it almost always feels out of left field.

People project about all kinds of things. Most often I have found that it is in relation to some person who they feel is in power over them (a parent or a boss). They feel powerless to confront the person and as a result they lose it with you or me.

The hardest part in all of this is that I do it too. I project stuff. Sadly, it's most often directed at my wife or kids. When something is going on at work I get short with them. That's projection.

Knowing this has helped me to be much more patient with other people. When someone is just rude and mean for no reason, I assume there's something else going on behind the scenes. It helps me to love by faith in the moment. It also helps me to self diagnose areas where I need to keep short accounts with people. If I'm being unreasonable with Amy or the kids I know that I need to check my heart and look for some area where there is unresolved conflict.

We all project. It's like emotional projectile vomiting. It's gross. But, having an idea about why it's happening helps us to love well and to check our own brokenness.

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Then We

Yesterday was a fun day, we celebrated Amy's birthday. The celebration was an all day affair. My wife prefers quality time over gifts. So, we hung out as a family all day. As we were driving home my son said recounted all that we had done and concluded with, "That's a lot of 'then we's'".

There is something special about the "then we".

The "then we" is community in a phrase. It says so much with two little words. The days that are filled with the "then we" are the days that are most enjoyable and fulfilling. They are the days when laughter seems to punctuate every minute. They are the days when I feel most at home.

"Then we" days are few and far between now. The kids are older and busy. Life and ministry are full. Our family of four is often moving in different directions. Yet, when the "then we" day happens it is this great reminder that we are part of something more than ourselves. Our busyness is forgotten, even if for a brief moment.

When was your last "then we" day? I would love to hear about it below...

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Gratitude From Humility

I was thinking about gratitude recently. It's something that we try really hard to teach our kids about. We want them to feel grateful for the many good things and even the hard things in their lives. It's an attitude that Amy and I try to model for them.

Have you ever wondered where gratitude comes from?

Are we grateful because we have good things? Are we grateful because we know that others are not as "good off" as us?

Is gratitude just a comparison and contrast kind of thing or is it deeper? Is there a difference between gratitude and thankfulness?

So many questions.

Slowly, I'm starting to realize that gratitude first comes from place of humility. Humility is the opposite of pride. Pride is experienced when we don't think rightly of ourselves (that is too high or too low). When we are prideful we are unable to experience gratitude because we are either convinced that everything is our own doing or we can't even really receive the things that come to us.

The humble person is able to see things the way they are. They are able to recognize their hard work. They are also able to recognize the role that others have played in their life. When that happens they are able to realize gratitude.

Humility is even tougher to teach and model than gratitude. Both force me outside myself and see the world apart from self-centered reality.

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Parents Are the Top Influence

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Mystery Is Legit

Last night I sat at the pub with a few friends and people were discussing evolution (of all stripes) and intelligent design. It was a fascinating conversation.

The thing that struck me is that nearly everyone, regardless of perspective, had an answer. The one thing that almost nobody wanted to settle for was mystery.

Mystery.

This is something that makes many of us uncomfortable. We want an answer to everything. We want an explanation, regardless of how unreasonable. In our world it is better to have an unreasonable pseudo-scientific answer to cover the mystery than it is to live in the tension of the mystery.

Mystery is a vacuum of knowledge that threatens us. We are afraid to be found out. We don't want to be thought of as stupid. So, we create answers and fill in the gaps with arguments that sound good.

The problem with this is that it makes learning anything new nearly impossible. Especially when learning something new threatens the structure we created to protect us from the mystery.

When there is no mystery we cannot learn.

When we cannot learn we cease a search for what is true.

Mystery is legit.

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The Past Matters

One of the most important things that we can learn in life is that our past matters. It matters because God cares about us and is at work writing a story through our lives.

This has been driven home, again, over the last week or so. As my friend and I have talked with one another he has said, "I am overwhelmed by how God has protected me and my family. I am so blessed to have not had to experience some of the pain that so many others have had to endure. I am so grateful that God has made me a bubble boy."

What I love about this is that he is identifying God's power, grace, and mercy in his life's story.

So many times in the Christian world when people talk about their faith journeys they say things like, "My story is boring. I grew up in the church..." That's not a boring story at all! That's a beautiful story of God's grace to multiple generations. It's wonderful that God protected and provided for you to "never really know a time when I didn't know God."

On the other hand, it's beautiful to hear the stories of people who God saved in more ways than one, their past filled with brokenness and regret.

My parents are divorced. It was really hard to be a kid growing up in a broken home. When I went away to college I was still pretty angry about it. I wasn't all that pleased with God that this was my story. It wasn't until after we had been living in Normal, IL and I was being discipled by Bob Smart that I began to embrace my whole story. He taught me that this was part of God writing a beautiful story of redemption in my life. Instead of running from it, I needed to embrace it.

The things in our past have shaped us into the people that we are today. Our past matters to God. He is writing a beautiful story of redemption.

I would love to hear your story. Drop it in the comments below...

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I'm A Mess. So Are They!

Over the last year I have been keenly aware of what happens when I post something to Facebook. Now, I'm not talking about statistics of likes, clicks, and comments. I've been paying special attention to my emotional response and the emotional responses of others (based on their comments of course, really, it's the best I could do).

The result of this?

I stopped posting my opinions on things related to sports.

This has led me to one simple conclusion: I'm a mess and so is everyone else.

If I post about religion or politics, the conversation tends to be congenial. My friends and I are able to have legitimate conversations about things. We are able to pay attention and deal with the issue at hand. Are there some that struggle? Sure. But, for the most part we're able to have adult conversations that are meaningful.

However, when I post about sports it's all about the emotion. Mine and everyone else's. We can't control it. It devolves into name calling, mean spirited attacks, and just plain rudeness in an instant.

So I don't post about sports any more on Facebook. I'm a mess, and so are they!

We live in a bored culture and sports are the adrenaline. They wake us up and we begin to have feelings and emotions that we don't really know what to do with. It's sad really. But it really is true. Our identities are tied into our sports teams. I AM a Tigers fan. I AM a Red Wings fan. I AM a Michigan fan. These are identity statements that we hold to just as strongly as something significantly more important like the statement, I AM a Christian. So when we perceived an attack on our identity we are ready to fight. Why? Because it is an attack on the core of who we are.

So, no. I won't post about sports on Facebook any more. Why? Because I'm a mess! So are they!

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A Little Respect

When my daughter was born something fundamentally changed in me. I began seeing the world differently. As a young man I really didn't think very much about how women experienced the world. It was hard for me to think of women as someone's daughter or sister.

Then my daughter was born.

All of a sudden I began think about women differently. I became keenly aware that the women I would see on the street or on campus were someone's daughter.

Yesterday a video began circulating about a woman walking through New York City for ten hours. She was cat called and hit on repeatedly. She had men walk next to her talking at her and follow her for long periods of time.

The comments disgusted me (many by women).

"She should feel happy that they are doing this." 

"Pretty soon she won't be beautiful any more. She should be grateful."

"What a bitch. She didn't say thank you."

Really?! REALLY!? If I was walking with my daughter and men started doing this, I would probably end up in jail. I don't want anyone speaking to my daughter that way.

We wonder why violence against women is persistent. We wonder why porn rages. Well, one reason is because when we are faced with images like this video we mock it. We don't get what's going on. A human being is being objectified. A woman becomes a "thing" like a car.

Sadly, if I didn't have a daughter I might wonder what the big deal was. I might even think she asked for it because of her tight shirt, large breasts, and tight jeans.

But, I'm the father of a daughter. Have a little respect.

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One Step Too Far

Why is it that we tend to go one step too far? I'm particularly thinking about holiness and the Christian life (although I think this extends beyond that). We have a very good desire, to be holy, but it plays out so often as self-righteousness.

For example, we want to keep our minds and hearts pure. Therefore, we set a rule, "no movies but G rated films". Or we want to encourage abstinence so we create a rule, "no dancing". Christians are not the only ones susceptible to this thinking. Schools institute "zero tolerance" policies for all kinds of things and this leads to children being expelled for bringing nail clippers to school.

We tend to go one step too far. Something within us always pulls us toward legalism.

Derek Webb writes this,

Don't teach me about politics and Government
Just tell me who to vote for
Don't teach me about truth and beauty
Just label my music
Don't teach me how to live like a free man
Just give me a new law
I don't wanna know if the answers aren't easy
So just bring it down from the mountain to me
I want a new law
I want a new law
Gimme that new law

I think he nails it. We want the answers to be easy. The easy answers are legalistic answers. The "new law" and they always go one step too far.

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Small Hills

A friend of mine says, "Christians choose to die on small hills". I think he's right. We get bent out of shape over lots of things. Most of these things don't matter.

Over the last few years I'm finding that there are fewer things that really matter. There are few things that I get angry over. Not many things get my blood boiling.

I hope that this is the result of maturity and growing in grace. Sometimes I worry that it's the result of sin in my life or that I'm no longer holding tight to the truth. I see so many other Christians in my circles get worked up about this or that. But, I just don't see how it matters.

More and more all I want to do is point people to Jesus. I want them to see how amazing he is. I want them to see that he calls them to repentance and belief. I want them to see how he challenges the status quo. I want them to know that there is grace and forgiveness. I want them to know the beauty of being in community with other people who are trying to follow Jesus.

Sometimes though, the small hills get in the way. We get exhausted from climbing the foothills and as a result miss the majesty of standing on the mountain top.

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Transformation

If we're honest with ourselves one of the reasons that we don't participate or engage in "evangelism" or "discipleship" is because we don't think that transformation is possible. We have a "what's the point?" mentality. This person isn't going to change, so it doesn't matter.

Incarnation –> Reputation –> Conversation –> Confrontation –> Transformation

It doesn't have to be that way though. We can see change and transformation happen in the lives of people. As we practice incarnation (living into a place) and build a reputation, then we will have a platform for conversation. Conversation brings with it confrontation. If we can embrace the confrontation then what happens is transformation.

When we think of transformation we must think small. Most of us want to see large and sweeping transformations take place. We want the one who holds a polar opposite position from our own to do a 180 and be "transformed". The thing is, this isn't the way people generally work. We don't tend to change core beliefs that we've held for long periods of time just because some person tells we should change.

This is really hard for us to get our minds around. We "know" we are right. Why can't this person see that they would be better off seeing the world "my way"? This kind of thinking is especially prevalent among my tribe of evangelical Christians. We "know" we have the way, the truth, and the life all figured out. The world would be better if everyone would just come around to our way of thinking.  It's also prevalent within the context of every tribe (yes I'm looking at you secular humanists).

We don't really have patience for transformation to take place. We want it accomplished now. We want that person over there to convert and to do it now.

I think the best class that I took in seminary was one from Dr Jerram Barrs called "Evangelism and Outreach". It was a class largely based on his book, "The Heart of Evangelism". The thing that most impacted me was the reality that "preaching the gospel" was about meeting people where they were and challenging their heart and mind with the gospel. For some people this would be a call to trust Christ. For others, it is engaging with a particular aspect of their belief system that is a barrier to them coming to faith in Christ. Transformation occurs as we challenge people with truth. That challenge can be big or small. It can bring about total transformation or a small transformation. 

In some sense what we need to do is change our expectations. For the Christian this means that we need to trust that God cares more deeply about the people in our lives than we do. It means that we don't need to try and "convert the heathen". It means that we can simply engage in conversation and confrontation. Transformation will occur. It's the natural result of confrontation. We need to be OK with the small transformations. Each small transformation is one step closer to a larger moment.

When that larger moment comes we may or may not be present to celebrate it. But, we'll have played a significant role and we'll have been faithful with what God has entrusted to us.

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It Takes a Community

The other day, I received an email that really got under my skin. I mean, it really bothered me a lot. It was one of those emails that for whatever reason just irked me.

It felt personal.

I took it personally.

I was ready to respond with snark and sarcasm.

Thankfully, I could process it out with Amy. She listened and reminded me that it was not personal. This was no vendetta to ruin my life (we are given to a bit of emotional over reaction in our family).

I wrote a response. I deleted it.

I wrote a second. I edited it. Amy read it. She approved.

Then I forwarded it all on to some close friends where I was able to write out what I wanted to say. These men embraced my feelings and extended empathy.

I matured a little that day. I was able to because of the people in my life extended grace, truth, and giving a little time.

How do you handle these little moments? Share below in the comments...

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When was the last time that you did something you didn't want to do? I'm not talking about for work. What I mean is when was the last time you stepped out in an act of service for someone else?

I think that more of us do this than we realize. More of us act in selfless ways t

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Diversity In Unity

"Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it."

This is something that I love about following Jesus. We are not like the Borg where you have to assimilate. We're not like the Daleks or Cyber-men (I know I'm mixing Sci-fi references). The body of Christ is wonderful because it is full of diversity and unity.

There are some things that the Church offers the world. This is one of them. Diversity in unity.

In one body, all members individuality cherished as a gift from the Father.

Too often we want every person to be the same as us. We want them to dress like us, listen to our music, use the same devices, and like the same sports teams. We feel like every person should share our political view points and our hot button justice issues.

What is the reality is that we need one another? We need different perspectives and those different perspectives need to be cherished?

What might the world look like if the body of Christ embraced this little idea from St Paul written nearly 2000 years ago?

What if...

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Notifications

Notifications on our phone are weird. They're really intrusive. I may be reading or praying and then all of a sudden, "ding, ding" and like Pavlov's dog I grab the phone.

It might be really important. So I really need to check it.

Then...

Just a stupid cat video.

A number of weeks ago I took a Facebook break. When I returned to Facebook, I turned off the notifications on my phone for the app. As a result, I spend significantly less time on Facebook. Why? Because I'm not notified of the newest cat video.

Yesterday as my email and other notifications were pinging away I became to thinking, "What other notifications need to be turned off?"

I wonder if email and all other social networks notifications were turned off if the world would end?

I'm curious have any of you shut down large bits of notifications from your mobile device? Did the world end?

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Confrontation Brings Change

That morning I woke up with a pit in my stomach. A ball of acid that wouldn't go anywhere. The drive to the office was a bit foggy. When I arrived, I tried as hard as I could to just go through my usual routine. Then my lunch appointment arrived and over the course of that conversation everything changed. Confrontation is not always very much fun.

I don't know anyone that likes confrontation. There is something uncomfortable about it. Some confrontation is contentious. Some is friendly and constructive. But, even then, we don't like it very much.

We don't like confrontation because it brings about change.

Incarnation –> Reputation –> Conversation –> Confrontation –> Transformation

As we live into a place (incarnation) we begin to be known (reputation) and that opens doors for relationships (conversation) which, if they're real relationships, bring about confrontation.

Confrontation is what happens when two people who are different enter into relationship. Our two ways of understanding the world butt up against one another. Confrontation is the friction that brings heat to a relationship. Relationships devoid of confrontation are boring, unchanging, and exist at the surface. Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

There are some misconceptions about confrontation. Some people think of it as only contentious (like my opening story). But it doesn't need to be. Confrontation could be a teacher helping a student understand that their answer to a particular question is wrong and why. Or it could be a father teaching his son the right way to throw a baseball. Confrontation happens any time learning takes place. Learning can't happen apart from confrontation.

Some people also think that relationships are better when they're confrontation free. This could not be further from the truth. A relationship without confrontation is not real, it is a "pseudo-relationship". When I do pre-marital counseling with people we always talk about fighting. I ask them if they know how to fight. I know it's not very cheery, but if a couple, who is about to commit their lives to one another doesn't understand how they fight, then they are doomed to failure. Two broken, imperfect people, will have confrontation. They need to know how to fight and they need to know how good it is to fight.

Communities are the same way. They need confrontation. If there is none they remain at the level of "pseudo-community". The process for communities is typically one that follows the "storming" and "norming" pattern. A confrontation arises. The community storms and then creates a new norm. This new norm embraces the conflict and they move to deeper levels of community or the norm ignores it and they return to a pseudo community.

So what does this have to do with sharing our faith? Confrontation is necessary as we invite people into our lives of faith. On the one hand, God's truth and grace confronts the brokenness of the person far from God. On the other hand, God's truth and grace confronts the brokenness of the one drawing near to God. The gospel always confronts us and challenges our preconceived notions of truth and reality.

Without confrontation there is no change, there is no transformation.

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Simple Joy

Most Saturdays this fall have been quiet. It is typically a day to sleep in, rest, and recover. We have very rarely done much of anything on a Saturday.

Quite simply Saturday has become a day of simple joy.

Our family gets to eat three meals together, on Saturday.

Our family gets to watch a movie together, on Saturday.

Our family gets to play together, on Saturday.

These are simple joys. There is nothing profound happening here. Just the simple joy of being together. Hearing one another laugh. Simply being in the same room together with no place else to go.

When was the last time you made time to experience simple joy?

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Being A Pastor

I was on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ and considering going into church ministry. The biggest question I had for our pastor was how did he get involved in people's lives? It appeared to me that he just hung out in his office all day.

He didn't.

I have been a pastor with an established, institutional, congregation and now with a congregation that is just beginning. The experiences are totally different. Most significantly, is that I feel like I'm living as a pastor in a more intense manner.

Think of it this way, when I was on staff with the established congregation it was like a doctor at a suburban hospital. Now it is like a triage doctor on the battle field.

I'm not trying to downplay what I did before. But I'm now learning that being a local pastor is so much more than preparing to teach lessons on Sundays or leading a ministry. Being a pastor is about being in the lives of people in my neighborhood, my congregation, and my larger community. It's about loving well. It is ultimately about living the gospel, every minute of every day.

I wouldn't trade it for anything.

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Don't Feed the Troll

I am realizing that there are a few people who follow my Facebook feed that are trolls. No, they're not ugly looking people on the outside and they don't typically live under a bridge. They are much more insidious.

It seems as though everything I post, there they are to say, "You're wrong" or "You're dumb". They do it in different ways, ways that get you riled up inside and all fiery and passionate.

That's what trolls do. They are loud mouth bullies that use words to make you feel bad. They project their own inadequacies to you.

I learned the other day, the number one rule of the internet: Don't feed the trolls.

This rule fits with what my Mom told me when my little brothers used to annoy me: Just ignore them and they'll stop.

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I Stood Up

Very rarely do I find that there is something in the news that I need to take a stand on. A friend of mine has said that Christians like to die on small hills. I think for the most part he is right.

The hard part is discovering which are small hills and which are the big hills.

I have come to the conclusion that 99% of the hills that we see in our culture are really small. When you recognize that hill that requires a stand, will you stand up?

Yesterday, I took a stand on the issue of the Mayor's office in Houston, TX subpoena of sermons by local pastors. I was not comfortable taking the stand. Mostly because I was sure that many would not understand where I was coming nor what I was trying to communicate. That happened. I knew when I put it out there some would say that I was "afraid the sky was falling". That happened too.

But it didn't matter.

Every once in a while an issue of such importance arises that you have to stand up. This was one for me. I'm still really not comfortable having done it. However, I know it was right. In this case, I would have been more uncomfortable had I ignored it.

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Drama!

What is it about drama? Why is it that some people love it. Some people seem to pursue it. They chase after it like a dog chases a stick.

I started thinking, maybe it is a contentment issue. Maybe people create drama for themselves because they are not or struggle to be content with their lives.

The Apostle Paul writes in Philippians 4 that he has learned to be content in all things. He talks about how it doesn't matter if he's rich, poor, sick, or healthy. He has learned to be content.

I think the key in this statement from Paul is the word, "learn". He had to learn to be content. We don't really like that idea. Not being content is easy. But our discontentment leads us to pursue drama.

What do you think?

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Art of the Conversation

I wrote a piece about conversation yesterday. Conversation is an art that I'm trying really hard to teach my children. It just isn't something we do very do often as a society.

Too many people are simply too interested in themselves. They cannot quite get their mind around what it looks like to really care about somebody else. Conversation inherently teaches us to care about others.

There is something beautiful about the back and forth of authentic dialogue. We must intentionally teach emerging generations about conversations, or it will get lost.

When we lose the art of conversation, we just might lose ourselves.

What do you think? Do you practice the art of conversation? Am I overstating it?

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Have A Conversation, Be On Mission

When was the last time you had a real conversation with someone who is different from you? Most of the time our lives are filled with those who are just like us. Christians are called to be on mission. We are to be about proclaiming the excellencies of Jesus and we can not do that apart from conversation.

Conversation is the third step of being on mission in this world. We begin by incarnating a space and build a reputation. As we do, then we will be able to have conversations.

Incarnation –> Reputation –> Conversation –> Confrontation –> Transformation

Conversation is the most natural form of communication. It is the most basic way we engage with other people. We live in a world of social media, text messaging, and email, and all these give the appearance of conversation (the irony of me writing that sentence on this blog is not lost on me). We think we're having conversation through a computer screen. We are not, at least not really.

The art of conversation is something that must be done in person, face to face. What is hard for many of us is that conversation is something requires a commitment beyond 140 characters or a hilarious meme.  When we enter into conversation it is a back and forth between two people who don't necessarily agree on everything. It means that we are going to have conflict.

Conversation and conflict go hand in hand. It is really scary. Most of us try to avoid the back and forth. We do not listen. While the other person is talking we are thinking about the next story we are going to tell.

Here's the thing though, if we don't enter into true conversation with people then we won't get to enter into conflict. Yes, that's right, "get to enter into conflict". It is what changes relationships. If we never enter into conflict with someone then we never move beyond the surface.

Conversation is the most fundamental form of communication that we have. This makes conversation the foundation of relationship and community. Apart from relationship and community we cannot be on mission.

Do you want to be on mission? Then have a conversation. It is that simple.

 

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Man, We Manipulate

There are some things in life you can't control. You can't control the weather, for example. The other thing you can't control is other people.

But, we really want to.

We really want to control others so we try to manipulate them through emotion. If that doesn't work, we try to do it through policy. But we really want to control them.

Why? It's because we want something from them. We want to get their money or their prestige or their time.

When our focus on others is what we want to get from them then we become manipulators. What might happen if we focused on what we could give others without thought of what we get in return?

Curious to your thoughts, comment below...

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Class and Character on Gameday

Class and character are hard things to learn. They are mostly caught and rarely taught. The thing about both of them is that you can tell when they're absent easier than when they are present.

This past week at my son's football game he was taught class and character by his coaches. His team's coach in the face of adversity taught the boys character by not allowing them to make excuses. They were getting bad call after bad call. He could have lost his mind (as many of us parents were) but this 19 year old young man kept his cool.

During halftime of the 8th grade football game, Ethan was taught class. The 8th grade team was winning 33-0 and the head coach informed the starters that their day was done. He told them that if they ran up the score neither he nor they would be able to live with themselves.

These two coaches exemplified class and character for my son. Two qualities that will last him well beyond the field of play.

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Don't Look Behind The Curtain

Why does it seem the "biggest and best" are often times anything but? It seems like there is so much broken inside huge corporations.

This is just as true for local congregations as it is in the secular world.

I think at the heart of it is a lack of accountability. As it is said of Colonel Nathan Jessup in A Few Good Men, "You don't get to his position without learning how to side step a few land mines."

The way many leaders do this is by insulating themselves from critique. They aren't challenged, they aren't pushed, they simply aren't held accountable for their lives.

When leaders go long periods of time without accountability and without any checks to their power, they become corrupted. They are not corrupted by outside forces but by the tiny voice in their head that says, "MORE!"

Don't look behind the curtain, you just might not like what you find.

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Why You Gotta Be So Rude?

There are many issues in our world today that have people up in arms. I swim in the Christian sub culture and when the sub culture gets angry, look out.

Many of my friends post articles written by prominent pastors and bloggers. The tone of the articles are mean, sarcastic, and rude.

What strikes me is that if I want to have a real conversation with someone I need to engage with them with some humility. The older I get the more I realize that I don't even know what it is that I don't know.

As I read and study the Scripture and theology the more convinced I am that God is bigger than I could ever imagine. I'm waking up to the reality that much of what I thought I could be sure of, I can't be sure of any longer.

So, I am left asking myself, "Why are they so rude?"

I would love to hear your thoughts, drop them in the comments below.

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Press On Through

I am growing in my realization that perseverance is not normal. In my old Campus Crusade for Christ days we called it "Dynamic Determination".

It seems that few possess this ability. When things get hard they walk away. A bright new shiny opportunity gets laid before them and they're gone.

Living in the context of a true community requires a doggedness of commitment to the people you're living with. There will always be things to distract us and pull our attention away from the here and now.

How do you press on through? How do you stay committed? Leave a comment with your story of commitment.

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Paul, Barnabas, and Timothy

There is nothing like friends. People who know you beyond the just the mask that you show the world.

I am grateful to have a few friends like this in my life. My wife is obviously one. But, the ones that I am thinking of are a handful of men who really know me.

There are a couple of older guys who are ahead of me in life. These guys are able to listen and give me insight into what's to come. They give advice when I ask. Most importantly, these men are able to help me avoid potential landmines that I do not know exist.

Then there are a few guys my age. We have locked arms and we are walking through life together. In many way these guys are my brothers. They challenge me and push me.

Finally, I have a few younger guys who I get to be the older guy for. I get to listen and them insight into what's to come. I give advice when they ask. Most importantly, I am able to help them avoid potential landmines they do not know exist.

I'm convinced for a healthy life we each need a Paul (the first group), a Barnabas (the second group), and a Timothy (the third group).

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Be Known, Build A Reputation

When someone says your name, what comes to other people's minds? This is your reputation. Reputation is the second step of really living into a place. It is, in a sense, the legend of ourselves in our community.

Incarnation –> Reputation –> Conversation –> Confrontation –> Transformation

I remember a discussion that took place on Facebook a while back about "bi-vocational" ministry. One of my friends was arguing for it and another was arguing against it. I love what my friend Bryan wrote, "If I had been bi-vocational I would never have become the pastor of the Grand Traverse Commons."

Bryan incarnated a little a walking mall where his congregation met for worship each week. He studied, prayed, and played there. Pretty soon people would come to Bryan with their problems or with their joys or with requests to do their weddings. He had developed a reputation.

When we incarnate a place, a reputation will be developed. When that happens it begins to provide us with an opportunity to speak into the lives of other people.

Luke writes of the early in Acts 2:46-47,

And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.

The early followers of Jesus began to incarnate the Temple. They were worshiping God and in so doing worshiping the Messiah Jesus. These were not people who were worshiping in the old way but in a new way. They were counter cultural. These people developed a reputation, "...having favor with all the people."

Their reputation would allow them to speak into the lives of their community. They were able to call people into relationship with Jesus because their reputation was such that they had found favor within their broader community.

What is your reputation like? Have you lived into a place in such a way that you have one? Share your experience of reputation building in the comments below.

 

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Sunday Morning Rhythm

When we find rhythm in our lives it is so very joyful.

Ever since we launched the Antioch Movement we have been gathering together on Sunday nights. This has created a Sunday morning rhythm in our home of restfulness. Quiet mornings and relaxation.

We have found a rhythm where Sundays are Sabbath rest for us. We don't do very much but we are together.

I remember something that a friend said many years ago, "Sunday mornings are the most sin-filled time of the week." For a few years that was true for us. It was a fight to get our family up and out to worship. Thankfully we had a bit of a drive so we were able to deal with any issues.

That doesn't happen any more. By the time worship rolls around on Sunday nights we are ready. Our hearts are ready.

Rhythm helps.

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Let The Dog Out

One of the things that I love about being a pastor is that I get come alongside people and love well. Most of the time this is during times of pain and suffering. Every once in a while it's when something fun is happening.

This weekend I get to let the dog out. One of the guys in our community took his wife on a surprise get away for the weekend. I get to let the dog out.

As I drove over to their house I was wondering, "Are there more opportunities to let the dog out?" What I mean is, are there other times when we could enter into joy with someone but we miss it?

I don't want to miss out on entering into the joy of life with people. It has me thinking, what in my life is hindering me from entering into the joy of with others?

I'd love to hear yours in the comments below...

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The Grass Is Always Greener

The grass is greener over there on that side of the fence!

Faithfulness is really hard. We don't like to be faithful. It requires us to push through when there are obstacles. It is so much easier to walk away.

The most beautiful of things that I get to see is when people choose to be faithful. Great opportunities come along every day. These cause us to take our eye off the ball and to look over the proverbial fence.

Here's the thing though, we often look over the fence not because the grass on that side caught our attention. We look over because we are sick of manure on our side. If the grass is greener it is because the other side has better manure and more of it.

Faithfulness is hard. But it is better than the alternative.

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Growth is Pain

I have one teen age son and a pre-teen daughter. The son is constantly growing these days. It seems that he wakes up in the morning an inch taller than when he went to bed.

The thing about growing is that it hurts. Knees, elbows, hands, legs, arms, and feet all hurt. Growing is painful.

I am not a gardener. However, to be good neighbors we had some landscaping done. To care for our plants we have to prune them. Pruning is that practice of cutting something off so that something new can grow.

Growth hurts. There is simply no way around that reality. If we are going to experience growth in our personal lives or in our communal lives we will experience pain.

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The Need to Read

I am convinced that much theological debate would be ended if people were better readers.

As a pastor I get everyone's questions about the Bible and theology. I love these questions and I am grateful to have the opportunity to speak into the lives of people.

Then there are the people who want to debate theology. The problem is that, often, they "don't read so good." Reading well requires us to pick up more than individual sentences. It requires us to place these sentences in their broader context and remembering how they fit in the broader scope.

Yes, if we simply read better then many debates would simply fade away.

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The Fascination of the Unknown

Left Behind, the reboot, is coming. The poorly written books which were made into poorly done films are being rebooted by Nicolas Cage.

A certain set of Christians are really excited.

Why? Because we don't like the mundane, the normal, the every day. We want to live the life fantastic. The Bible teaches things like loving your neighbor and entering into the every day life of the community.

That's so boring.

So, some grasp onto the excitement of a magical experience of Jesus coming to Earth, waging war, leaving Earth, returning again to reign, and then leaving, and then returning finally. They embrace the escapism that is inherent in this perspective. It feels like being in a comic book.

The alternative is lame. Jesus returns once, renews all things, and we get back to work, forever.

That's the thing though, following Jesus is about the every day, the small stuff. It's about being present in the here and now. It's about loving well. It's about suffering well. It's about taking the next step in the next moment.

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Live Into The Place

Over the last year or so I have been returning every once in a while to something that Hugh Halter said at Exponential in 2013. He was talking about sharing our faith and being in the world. His concept was simple:

Incarnation --> Reputation --> Conversation --> Confrontation --> Transformation

That's pretty straightforward stuff. Over the next few posts I am going to unpack each of these concepts. Today, we'll look at incarnation.

Incarnation in the missional context is that act of "living into" a place. You show up and be at a place. In the late 90s and early 00s there was a move for local congregations to "do incarnational evangelism". In other words, serve their community. Incarnation in the sense that we're talking about is not that at all.

What we want to do is actually inhabit or do life in a place. In Ypsilanti a few of us are living into B-24's Coffee and the Corner Brewery. We actively choose to go to these places. They become extensions of our homes. The regulars become like family. We are a community.

This is what happens when you begin to practice incarnation in a place. You become part of it and when you become part of a place you get to help shape the community and life of the place.

Where are you "living into"? Leave your response in the comments.

I'll leave you with these words from Eugene Peterson's rendering of John 1 -

Every person entering Life

he brings into Light.

He was in the world,

the world was there through him,

and yet the world didn’t even notice.

He came to his own people,

but they didn’t want him.

But whoever did want him,

who believed he was who he claimed

and would do what he said,

He made to be their true selves,

their child-of-God selves.

These are the God-begotten,

not blood-begotten,

not flesh-begotten,

not sex-begotten.

The Word became flesh and blood,

and moved into the neighborhood.

We saw the glory with our own eyes,

the one-of-a-kind glory,

like Father, like Son,

Generous inside and out,

true from start to finish.

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