Confrontation Brings Change

That morning I woke up with a pit in my stomach. A ball of acid that wouldn't go anywhere. The drive to the office was a bit foggy. When I arrived, I tried as hard as I could to just go through my usual routine. Then my lunch appointment arrived and over the course of that conversation everything changed. Confrontation is not always very much fun.

I don't know anyone that likes confrontation. There is something uncomfortable about it. Some confrontation is contentious. Some is friendly and constructive. But, even then, we don't like it very much.

We don't like confrontation because it brings about change.

Incarnation –> Reputation –> Conversation –> Confrontation –> Transformation

As we live into a place (incarnation) we begin to be known (reputation) and that opens doors for relationships (conversation) which, if they're real relationships, bring about confrontation.

Confrontation is what happens when two people who are different enter into relationship. Our two ways of understanding the world butt up against one another. Confrontation is the friction that brings heat to a relationship. Relationships devoid of confrontation are boring, unchanging, and exist at the surface. Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

There are some misconceptions about confrontation. Some people think of it as only contentious (like my opening story). But it doesn't need to be. Confrontation could be a teacher helping a student understand that their answer to a particular question is wrong and why. Or it could be a father teaching his son the right way to throw a baseball. Confrontation happens any time learning takes place. Learning can't happen apart from confrontation.

Some people also think that relationships are better when they're confrontation free. This could not be further from the truth. A relationship without confrontation is not real, it is a "pseudo-relationship". When I do pre-marital counseling with people we always talk about fighting. I ask them if they know how to fight. I know it's not very cheery, but if a couple, who is about to commit their lives to one another doesn't understand how they fight, then they are doomed to failure. Two broken, imperfect people, will have confrontation. They need to know how to fight and they need to know how good it is to fight.

Communities are the same way. They need confrontation. If there is none they remain at the level of "pseudo-community". The process for communities is typically one that follows the "storming" and "norming" pattern. A confrontation arises. The community storms and then creates a new norm. This new norm embraces the conflict and they move to deeper levels of community or the norm ignores it and they return to a pseudo community.

So what does this have to do with sharing our faith? Confrontation is necessary as we invite people into our lives of faith. On the one hand, God's truth and grace confronts the brokenness of the person far from God. On the other hand, God's truth and grace confronts the brokenness of the one drawing near to God. The gospel always confronts us and challenges our preconceived notions of truth and reality.

Without confrontation there is no change, there is no transformation.