A Little Respect

When my daughter was born something fundamentally changed in me. I began seeing the world differently. As a young man I really didn't think very much about how women experienced the world. It was hard for me to think of women as someone's daughter or sister.

Then my daughter was born.

All of a sudden I began think about women differently. I became keenly aware that the women I would see on the street or on campus were someone's daughter.

Yesterday a video began circulating about a woman walking through New York City for ten hours. She was cat called and hit on repeatedly. She had men walk next to her talking at her and follow her for long periods of time.

The comments disgusted me (many by women).

"She should feel happy that they are doing this." 

"Pretty soon she won't be beautiful any more. She should be grateful."

"What a bitch. She didn't say thank you."

Really?! REALLY!? If I was walking with my daughter and men started doing this, I would probably end up in jail. I don't want anyone speaking to my daughter that way.

We wonder why violence against women is persistent. We wonder why porn rages. Well, one reason is because when we are faced with images like this video we mock it. We don't get what's going on. A human being is being objectified. A woman becomes a "thing" like a car.

Sadly, if I didn't have a daughter I might wonder what the big deal was. I might even think she asked for it because of her tight shirt, large breasts, and tight jeans.

But, I'm the father of a daughter. Have a little respect.

Read More

One Step Too Far

Why is it that we tend to go one step too far? I'm particularly thinking about holiness and the Christian life (although I think this extends beyond that). We have a very good desire, to be holy, but it plays out so often as self-righteousness.

For example, we want to keep our minds and hearts pure. Therefore, we set a rule, "no movies but G rated films". Or we want to encourage abstinence so we create a rule, "no dancing". Christians are not the only ones susceptible to this thinking. Schools institute "zero tolerance" policies for all kinds of things and this leads to children being expelled for bringing nail clippers to school.

We tend to go one step too far. Something within us always pulls us toward legalism.

Derek Webb writes this,

Don't teach me about politics and Government
Just tell me who to vote for
Don't teach me about truth and beauty
Just label my music
Don't teach me how to live like a free man
Just give me a new law
I don't wanna know if the answers aren't easy
So just bring it down from the mountain to me
I want a new law
I want a new law
Gimme that new law

I think he nails it. We want the answers to be easy. The easy answers are legalistic answers. The "new law" and they always go one step too far.

Read More

Small Hills

A friend of mine says, "Christians choose to die on small hills". I think he's right. We get bent out of shape over lots of things. Most of these things don't matter.

Over the last few years I'm finding that there are fewer things that really matter. There are few things that I get angry over. Not many things get my blood boiling.

I hope that this is the result of maturity and growing in grace. Sometimes I worry that it's the result of sin in my life or that I'm no longer holding tight to the truth. I see so many other Christians in my circles get worked up about this or that. But, I just don't see how it matters.

More and more all I want to do is point people to Jesus. I want them to see how amazing he is. I want them to see that he calls them to repentance and belief. I want them to see how he challenges the status quo. I want them to know that there is grace and forgiveness. I want them to know the beauty of being in community with other people who are trying to follow Jesus.

Sometimes though, the small hills get in the way. We get exhausted from climbing the foothills and as a result miss the majesty of standing on the mountain top.

Read More

Transformation

If we're honest with ourselves one of the reasons that we don't participate or engage in "evangelism" or "discipleship" is because we don't think that transformation is possible. We have a "what's the point?" mentality. This person isn't going to change, so it doesn't matter.

Incarnation –> Reputation –> Conversation –> Confrontation –> Transformation

It doesn't have to be that way though. We can see change and transformation happen in the lives of people. As we practice incarnation (living into a place) and build a reputation, then we will have a platform for conversation. Conversation brings with it confrontation. If we can embrace the confrontation then what happens is transformation.

When we think of transformation we must think small. Most of us want to see large and sweeping transformations take place. We want the one who holds a polar opposite position from our own to do a 180 and be "transformed". The thing is, this isn't the way people generally work. We don't tend to change core beliefs that we've held for long periods of time just because some person tells we should change.

This is really hard for us to get our minds around. We "know" we are right. Why can't this person see that they would be better off seeing the world "my way"? This kind of thinking is especially prevalent among my tribe of evangelical Christians. We "know" we have the way, the truth, and the life all figured out. The world would be better if everyone would just come around to our way of thinking.  It's also prevalent within the context of every tribe (yes I'm looking at you secular humanists).

We don't really have patience for transformation to take place. We want it accomplished now. We want that person over there to convert and to do it now.

I think the best class that I took in seminary was one from Dr Jerram Barrs called "Evangelism and Outreach". It was a class largely based on his book, "The Heart of Evangelism". The thing that most impacted me was the reality that "preaching the gospel" was about meeting people where they were and challenging their heart and mind with the gospel. For some people this would be a call to trust Christ. For others, it is engaging with a particular aspect of their belief system that is a barrier to them coming to faith in Christ. Transformation occurs as we challenge people with truth. That challenge can be big or small. It can bring about total transformation or a small transformation. 

In some sense what we need to do is change our expectations. For the Christian this means that we need to trust that God cares more deeply about the people in our lives than we do. It means that we don't need to try and "convert the heathen". It means that we can simply engage in conversation and confrontation. Transformation will occur. It's the natural result of confrontation. We need to be OK with the small transformations. Each small transformation is one step closer to a larger moment.

When that larger moment comes we may or may not be present to celebrate it. But, we'll have played a significant role and we'll have been faithful with what God has entrusted to us.

Read More

It Takes a Community

The other day, I received an email that really got under my skin. I mean, it really bothered me a lot. It was one of those emails that for whatever reason just irked me.

It felt personal.

I took it personally.

I was ready to respond with snark and sarcasm.

Thankfully, I could process it out with Amy. She listened and reminded me that it was not personal. This was no vendetta to ruin my life (we are given to a bit of emotional over reaction in our family).

I wrote a response. I deleted it.

I wrote a second. I edited it. Amy read it. She approved.

Then I forwarded it all on to some close friends where I was able to write out what I wanted to say. These men embraced my feelings and extended empathy.

I matured a little that day. I was able to because of the people in my life extended grace, truth, and giving a little time.

How do you handle these little moments? Share below in the comments...

Read More

When was the last time that you did something you didn't want to do? I'm not talking about for work. What I mean is when was the last time you stepped out in an act of service for someone else?

I think that more of us do this than we realize. More of us act in selfless ways t

Read More

Diversity In Unity

"Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it."

This is something that I love about following Jesus. We are not like the Borg where you have to assimilate. We're not like the Daleks or Cyber-men (I know I'm mixing Sci-fi references). The body of Christ is wonderful because it is full of diversity and unity.

There are some things that the Church offers the world. This is one of them. Diversity in unity.

In one body, all members individuality cherished as a gift from the Father.

Too often we want every person to be the same as us. We want them to dress like us, listen to our music, use the same devices, and like the same sports teams. We feel like every person should share our political view points and our hot button justice issues.

What is the reality is that we need one another? We need different perspectives and those different perspectives need to be cherished?

What might the world look like if the body of Christ embraced this little idea from St Paul written nearly 2000 years ago?

What if...

Read More

Notifications

Notifications on our phone are weird. They're really intrusive. I may be reading or praying and then all of a sudden, "ding, ding" and like Pavlov's dog I grab the phone.

It might be really important. So I really need to check it.

Then...

Just a stupid cat video.

A number of weeks ago I took a Facebook break. When I returned to Facebook, I turned off the notifications on my phone for the app. As a result, I spend significantly less time on Facebook. Why? Because I'm not notified of the newest cat video.

Yesterday as my email and other notifications were pinging away I became to thinking, "What other notifications need to be turned off?"

I wonder if email and all other social networks notifications were turned off if the world would end?

I'm curious have any of you shut down large bits of notifications from your mobile device? Did the world end?

Read More

Confrontation Brings Change

That morning I woke up with a pit in my stomach. A ball of acid that wouldn't go anywhere. The drive to the office was a bit foggy. When I arrived, I tried as hard as I could to just go through my usual routine. Then my lunch appointment arrived and over the course of that conversation everything changed. Confrontation is not always very much fun.

I don't know anyone that likes confrontation. There is something uncomfortable about it. Some confrontation is contentious. Some is friendly and constructive. But, even then, we don't like it very much.

We don't like confrontation because it brings about change.

Incarnation –> Reputation –> Conversation –> Confrontation –> Transformation

As we live into a place (incarnation) we begin to be known (reputation) and that opens doors for relationships (conversation) which, if they're real relationships, bring about confrontation.

Confrontation is what happens when two people who are different enter into relationship. Our two ways of understanding the world butt up against one another. Confrontation is the friction that brings heat to a relationship. Relationships devoid of confrontation are boring, unchanging, and exist at the surface. Proverbs 27:17 says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

There are some misconceptions about confrontation. Some people think of it as only contentious (like my opening story). But it doesn't need to be. Confrontation could be a teacher helping a student understand that their answer to a particular question is wrong and why. Or it could be a father teaching his son the right way to throw a baseball. Confrontation happens any time learning takes place. Learning can't happen apart from confrontation.

Some people also think that relationships are better when they're confrontation free. This could not be further from the truth. A relationship without confrontation is not real, it is a "pseudo-relationship". When I do pre-marital counseling with people we always talk about fighting. I ask them if they know how to fight. I know it's not very cheery, but if a couple, who is about to commit their lives to one another doesn't understand how they fight, then they are doomed to failure. Two broken, imperfect people, will have confrontation. They need to know how to fight and they need to know how good it is to fight.

Communities are the same way. They need confrontation. If there is none they remain at the level of "pseudo-community". The process for communities is typically one that follows the "storming" and "norming" pattern. A confrontation arises. The community storms and then creates a new norm. This new norm embraces the conflict and they move to deeper levels of community or the norm ignores it and they return to a pseudo community.

So what does this have to do with sharing our faith? Confrontation is necessary as we invite people into our lives of faith. On the one hand, God's truth and grace confronts the brokenness of the person far from God. On the other hand, God's truth and grace confronts the brokenness of the one drawing near to God. The gospel always confronts us and challenges our preconceived notions of truth and reality.

Without confrontation there is no change, there is no transformation.

Read More

Simple Joy

Most Saturdays this fall have been quiet. It is typically a day to sleep in, rest, and recover. We have very rarely done much of anything on a Saturday.

Quite simply Saturday has become a day of simple joy.

Our family gets to eat three meals together, on Saturday.

Our family gets to watch a movie together, on Saturday.

Our family gets to play together, on Saturday.

These are simple joys. There is nothing profound happening here. Just the simple joy of being together. Hearing one another laugh. Simply being in the same room together with no place else to go.

When was the last time you made time to experience simple joy?

Read More

Being A Pastor

I was on staff with Campus Crusade for Christ and considering going into church ministry. The biggest question I had for our pastor was how did he get involved in people's lives? It appeared to me that he just hung out in his office all day.

He didn't.

I have been a pastor with an established, institutional, congregation and now with a congregation that is just beginning. The experiences are totally different. Most significantly, is that I feel like I'm living as a pastor in a more intense manner.

Think of it this way, when I was on staff with the established congregation it was like a doctor at a suburban hospital. Now it is like a triage doctor on the battle field.

I'm not trying to downplay what I did before. But I'm now learning that being a local pastor is so much more than preparing to teach lessons on Sundays or leading a ministry. Being a pastor is about being in the lives of people in my neighborhood, my congregation, and my larger community. It's about loving well. It is ultimately about living the gospel, every minute of every day.

I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Read More

Don't Feed the Troll

I am realizing that there are a few people who follow my Facebook feed that are trolls. No, they're not ugly looking people on the outside and they don't typically live under a bridge. They are much more insidious.

It seems as though everything I post, there they are to say, "You're wrong" or "You're dumb". They do it in different ways, ways that get you riled up inside and all fiery and passionate.

That's what trolls do. They are loud mouth bullies that use words to make you feel bad. They project their own inadequacies to you.

I learned the other day, the number one rule of the internet: Don't feed the trolls.

This rule fits with what my Mom told me when my little brothers used to annoy me: Just ignore them and they'll stop.

Read More

I Stood Up

Very rarely do I find that there is something in the news that I need to take a stand on. A friend of mine has said that Christians like to die on small hills. I think for the most part he is right.

The hard part is discovering which are small hills and which are the big hills.

I have come to the conclusion that 99% of the hills that we see in our culture are really small. When you recognize that hill that requires a stand, will you stand up?

Yesterday, I took a stand on the issue of the Mayor's office in Houston, TX subpoena of sermons by local pastors. I was not comfortable taking the stand. Mostly because I was sure that many would not understand where I was coming nor what I was trying to communicate. That happened. I knew when I put it out there some would say that I was "afraid the sky was falling". That happened too.

But it didn't matter.

Every once in a while an issue of such importance arises that you have to stand up. This was one for me. I'm still really not comfortable having done it. However, I know it was right. In this case, I would have been more uncomfortable had I ignored it.

Read More

Drama!

What is it about drama? Why is it that some people love it. Some people seem to pursue it. They chase after it like a dog chases a stick.

I started thinking, maybe it is a contentment issue. Maybe people create drama for themselves because they are not or struggle to be content with their lives.

The Apostle Paul writes in Philippians 4 that he has learned to be content in all things. He talks about how it doesn't matter if he's rich, poor, sick, or healthy. He has learned to be content.

I think the key in this statement from Paul is the word, "learn". He had to learn to be content. We don't really like that idea. Not being content is easy. But our discontentment leads us to pursue drama.

What do you think?

Read More

Art of the Conversation

I wrote a piece about conversation yesterday. Conversation is an art that I'm trying really hard to teach my children. It just isn't something we do very do often as a society.

Too many people are simply too interested in themselves. They cannot quite get their mind around what it looks like to really care about somebody else. Conversation inherently teaches us to care about others.

There is something beautiful about the back and forth of authentic dialogue. We must intentionally teach emerging generations about conversations, or it will get lost.

When we lose the art of conversation, we just might lose ourselves.

What do you think? Do you practice the art of conversation? Am I overstating it?

Read More

Have A Conversation, Be On Mission

When was the last time you had a real conversation with someone who is different from you? Most of the time our lives are filled with those who are just like us. Christians are called to be on mission. We are to be about proclaiming the excellencies of Jesus and we can not do that apart from conversation.

Conversation is the third step of being on mission in this world. We begin by incarnating a space and build a reputation. As we do, then we will be able to have conversations.

Incarnation –> Reputation –> Conversation –> Confrontation –> Transformation

Conversation is the most natural form of communication. It is the most basic way we engage with other people. We live in a world of social media, text messaging, and email, and all these give the appearance of conversation (the irony of me writing that sentence on this blog is not lost on me). We think we're having conversation through a computer screen. We are not, at least not really.

The art of conversation is something that must be done in person, face to face. What is hard for many of us is that conversation is something requires a commitment beyond 140 characters or a hilarious meme.  When we enter into conversation it is a back and forth between two people who don't necessarily agree on everything. It means that we are going to have conflict.

Conversation and conflict go hand in hand. It is really scary. Most of us try to avoid the back and forth. We do not listen. While the other person is talking we are thinking about the next story we are going to tell.

Here's the thing though, if we don't enter into true conversation with people then we won't get to enter into conflict. Yes, that's right, "get to enter into conflict". It is what changes relationships. If we never enter into conflict with someone then we never move beyond the surface.

Conversation is the most fundamental form of communication that we have. This makes conversation the foundation of relationship and community. Apart from relationship and community we cannot be on mission.

Do you want to be on mission? Then have a conversation. It is that simple.

 

Read More

Man, We Manipulate

There are some things in life you can't control. You can't control the weather, for example. The other thing you can't control is other people.

But, we really want to.

We really want to control others so we try to manipulate them through emotion. If that doesn't work, we try to do it through policy. But we really want to control them.

Why? It's because we want something from them. We want to get their money or their prestige or their time.

When our focus on others is what we want to get from them then we become manipulators. What might happen if we focused on what we could give others without thought of what we get in return?

Curious to your thoughts, comment below...

Read More

Class and Character on Gameday

Class and character are hard things to learn. They are mostly caught and rarely taught. The thing about both of them is that you can tell when they're absent easier than when they are present.

This past week at my son's football game he was taught class and character by his coaches. His team's coach in the face of adversity taught the boys character by not allowing them to make excuses. They were getting bad call after bad call. He could have lost his mind (as many of us parents were) but this 19 year old young man kept his cool.

During halftime of the 8th grade football game, Ethan was taught class. The 8th grade team was winning 33-0 and the head coach informed the starters that their day was done. He told them that if they ran up the score neither he nor they would be able to live with themselves.

These two coaches exemplified class and character for my son. Two qualities that will last him well beyond the field of play.

Read More

Don't Look Behind The Curtain

Why does it seem the "biggest and best" are often times anything but? It seems like there is so much broken inside huge corporations.

This is just as true for local congregations as it is in the secular world.

I think at the heart of it is a lack of accountability. As it is said of Colonel Nathan Jessup in A Few Good Men, "You don't get to his position without learning how to side step a few land mines."

The way many leaders do this is by insulating themselves from critique. They aren't challenged, they aren't pushed, they simply aren't held accountable for their lives.

When leaders go long periods of time without accountability and without any checks to their power, they become corrupted. They are not corrupted by outside forces but by the tiny voice in their head that says, "MORE!"

Don't look behind the curtain, you just might not like what you find.

Read More

Why You Gotta Be So Rude?

There are many issues in our world today that have people up in arms. I swim in the Christian sub culture and when the sub culture gets angry, look out.

Many of my friends post articles written by prominent pastors and bloggers. The tone of the articles are mean, sarcastic, and rude.

What strikes me is that if I want to have a real conversation with someone I need to engage with them with some humility. The older I get the more I realize that I don't even know what it is that I don't know.

As I read and study the Scripture and theology the more convinced I am that God is bigger than I could ever imagine. I'm waking up to the reality that much of what I thought I could be sure of, I can't be sure of any longer.

So, I am left asking myself, "Why are they so rude?"

I would love to hear your thoughts, drop them in the comments below.

Read More

Press On Through

I am growing in my realization that perseverance is not normal. In my old Campus Crusade for Christ days we called it "Dynamic Determination".

It seems that few possess this ability. When things get hard they walk away. A bright new shiny opportunity gets laid before them and they're gone.

Living in the context of a true community requires a doggedness of commitment to the people you're living with. There will always be things to distract us and pull our attention away from the here and now.

How do you press on through? How do you stay committed? Leave a comment with your story of commitment.

Read More

Paul, Barnabas, and Timothy

There is nothing like friends. People who know you beyond the just the mask that you show the world.

I am grateful to have a few friends like this in my life. My wife is obviously one. But, the ones that I am thinking of are a handful of men who really know me.

There are a couple of older guys who are ahead of me in life. These guys are able to listen and give me insight into what's to come. They give advice when I ask. Most importantly, these men are able to help me avoid potential landmines that I do not know exist.

Then there are a few guys my age. We have locked arms and we are walking through life together. In many way these guys are my brothers. They challenge me and push me.

Finally, I have a few younger guys who I get to be the older guy for. I get to listen and them insight into what's to come. I give advice when they ask. Most importantly, I am able to help them avoid potential landmines they do not know exist.

I'm convinced for a healthy life we each need a Paul (the first group), a Barnabas (the second group), and a Timothy (the third group).

Read More

Be Known, Build A Reputation

When someone says your name, what comes to other people's minds? This is your reputation. Reputation is the second step of really living into a place. It is, in a sense, the legend of ourselves in our community.

Incarnation –> Reputation –> Conversation –> Confrontation –> Transformation

I remember a discussion that took place on Facebook a while back about "bi-vocational" ministry. One of my friends was arguing for it and another was arguing against it. I love what my friend Bryan wrote, "If I had been bi-vocational I would never have become the pastor of the Grand Traverse Commons."

Bryan incarnated a little a walking mall where his congregation met for worship each week. He studied, prayed, and played there. Pretty soon people would come to Bryan with their problems or with their joys or with requests to do their weddings. He had developed a reputation.

When we incarnate a place, a reputation will be developed. When that happens it begins to provide us with an opportunity to speak into the lives of other people.

Luke writes of the early in Acts 2:46-47,

And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.

The early followers of Jesus began to incarnate the Temple. They were worshiping God and in so doing worshiping the Messiah Jesus. These were not people who were worshiping in the old way but in a new way. They were counter cultural. These people developed a reputation, "...having favor with all the people."

Their reputation would allow them to speak into the lives of their community. They were able to call people into relationship with Jesus because their reputation was such that they had found favor within their broader community.

What is your reputation like? Have you lived into a place in such a way that you have one? Share your experience of reputation building in the comments below.

 

Read More

Sunday Morning Rhythm

When we find rhythm in our lives it is so very joyful.

Ever since we launched the Antioch Movement we have been gathering together on Sunday nights. This has created a Sunday morning rhythm in our home of restfulness. Quiet mornings and relaxation.

We have found a rhythm where Sundays are Sabbath rest for us. We don't do very much but we are together.

I remember something that a friend said many years ago, "Sunday mornings are the most sin-filled time of the week." For a few years that was true for us. It was a fight to get our family up and out to worship. Thankfully we had a bit of a drive so we were able to deal with any issues.

That doesn't happen any more. By the time worship rolls around on Sunday nights we are ready. Our hearts are ready.

Rhythm helps.

Read More

Let The Dog Out

One of the things that I love about being a pastor is that I get come alongside people and love well. Most of the time this is during times of pain and suffering. Every once in a while it's when something fun is happening.

This weekend I get to let the dog out. One of the guys in our community took his wife on a surprise get away for the weekend. I get to let the dog out.

As I drove over to their house I was wondering, "Are there more opportunities to let the dog out?" What I mean is, are there other times when we could enter into joy with someone but we miss it?

I don't want to miss out on entering into the joy of life with people. It has me thinking, what in my life is hindering me from entering into the joy of with others?

I'd love to hear yours in the comments below...

Read More

The Grass Is Always Greener

The grass is greener over there on that side of the fence!

Faithfulness is really hard. We don't like to be faithful. It requires us to push through when there are obstacles. It is so much easier to walk away.

The most beautiful of things that I get to see is when people choose to be faithful. Great opportunities come along every day. These cause us to take our eye off the ball and to look over the proverbial fence.

Here's the thing though, we often look over the fence not because the grass on that side caught our attention. We look over because we are sick of manure on our side. If the grass is greener it is because the other side has better manure and more of it.

Faithfulness is hard. But it is better than the alternative.

Read More

Growth is Pain

I have one teen age son and a pre-teen daughter. The son is constantly growing these days. It seems that he wakes up in the morning an inch taller than when he went to bed.

The thing about growing is that it hurts. Knees, elbows, hands, legs, arms, and feet all hurt. Growing is painful.

I am not a gardener. However, to be good neighbors we had some landscaping done. To care for our plants we have to prune them. Pruning is that practice of cutting something off so that something new can grow.

Growth hurts. There is simply no way around that reality. If we are going to experience growth in our personal lives or in our communal lives we will experience pain.

Read More