The life of the pastor can be a lonely one. When you’re a construction worker or a teacher or a lawyer, people generally understand what you do. When you’re a pastor people generally find out this truth and fear you. They try to be on their best behavior or they simply ignore you. They also put you on a pedestal, as if you’re some sort of moral guru. Being a pastor is a weird existence.
I learned early on in my career as a pastor in the local church that you have to be wise about who you share your heart with. You can’t really be totally open and honest with folks. You really can’t wear your heart on your sleeve. As a pastor you must protect the people from your brokenness. You have to keep your pain hidden from them or they will sense weakness, failure, and probably begin the process of replacing you with someone else.
What is best, we are told, is to develop a group of close friends outside the community of faith where you serve so you have a place to be real and open. Pastors are told to make sure that they keep up the appearance of strength and perfection when they are at the church. You are the representative of God and God’s representatives can’t be flawed.
Most of what I’ve written in the second and third paragraph have never been openly communicated to me. Well, other than this, “…you have to be wise about who you share your heart with. You can’t really be totally open and honest with folks. You really can’t wear your heart on your sleeve.” The rest is inferred, felt, and assumed.
Recently, I have thought about all of this. I’ve begun to question the wisdom of such “sage” advice. I’ve come to a conclusion:
IT’S ALL WRONG.
That’s right. This advice is total crap. As my 13-year-old son would say, “It’s booty!”
This wisdom is taken from the business world, from CEO types in a dog eat dog environment. The Church is supposed to be different.
I’m slowly unlearning the necessity for pastoral walls. I am learning to trust the community of believers with my heart. I am finding that being a pastor doesn’t need to be a lonely existence. It can be one filled with great joy and happiness. It can be one where the community that I serve can be as life giving for me as it is for those I serve. The congregation of which I am a part can be healing and helpful too. It is a safe place to share my brokenness and be gospeled by people who love me.
Pastor friends, I want to challenge you to set aside the secular business model of church and embrace the gospel approach. Open your heart to the people of your congregation. Don’t hide out of fear. Let the Church in. Allow them to love you and care for you. It’s OK to show them weakness. It’s good to be known by your community of faith.
Over the last few months being a pastor has become less lonely. Over the last few months I am more and more at ease letting people in the congregation into my life. I am hiding less and less. As I do, the joy of my calling as a pastor has increased exponentially. The risk is greater but it is worth it.
The post Pastor, Get Real appeared first on The Journal by Daniel M. Rose. It was written by Daniel M. Rose.
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