Can You Disagree?

Over the last two weeks or so we have seen race and sexuality pushed into the center of the national conversation. Black churches are, quite literally, under attack. The Supreme Court has approved marriage for all sexual orientations. These are conversations that have layers and nuance. These are conversations that are gigantic.

I have one question for you as you enter into the fray: How do you respond to those who disagree with you?

I have a wonderful mix of friends from all races, religions, creeds, and orientations. I am so very grateful for that reality because it allows me to learn and understand people who are different from me. I grew up in a town where nearly everyone was the same. We were a pretty homogeneous group back in the day. Over the years, I have fallen in love with people who I used to be frightened of or who “creeped me out.” These relationships have absolutely and utterly transformed me.

Over the last four days I have watched as friends of mine who are thoughtful, kind, loving people have become mean, nasty, hate filled rage monsters. It doesn’t matter if they’re religious or non-religious. They invite a “conversation” and then the moment someone disagrees with them on anything, a switch flips.

My non-religious friends have taken to calling their religious friends bigots, hate-mongers, and idiots.

My religious friends refer to non-religious friends as evil, satan’s tools, and idiots. 

Apparently they agree that we’re all idiots.

In all of this, what is glaringly obvious is that both parties are speaking past one another. Neither one is willing to listen to the other. Both believe that they are absolutely right and the other is absolutely wrong. Neither seems to have the ability to actually learn from the other.

As I watch the hatred spew back and forth between the two parties, I wonder, is there another way? Is there a way where we can have meaningful, honest dialogue with people who are different from ourselves? The world is so small now. We are able to engage with so many different kinds of people. This reality should allow us to become learners and listeners, but instead, most of us simply become self-protective and seek to insulate ourselves within intellectual ghettos.

I think that at the root of all this is one thing, fear. 

We fear what we don’t know or understand. Instead of actually learning about the other we create caricatures of them in our minds. We read pundits who are from our ghetto and embrace their propaganda.

People inside of North Korea are largely in the dark about the world outside. They are fed constant propaganda from their government. During the Cold War, the US and USSSR did the same thing. They filled their people’s minds with propaganda about the other creating fear and mistrust.

Today, we readily embrace whatever is out there that agrees with us. We boil nuanced difficult issues into pithy quotes and use them as memes on Facebook.

We are, quite simply, mean.

I challenge you to look back over your Facebook or Twitter interactions and ask yourself, “How have I responded to those who disagree with me? Have I name-called? Have created caricatures? Have I chosen to be a learner or have I simply assumed what someone thinks or believes?”

I believe, in my heart of hearts, that we are better than we have shown over the last few days. I believe that my non-religious and religious friends have the capability of common decency. I believe that they can get out of their respective thought ghettos long enough to learn from one another and have a real conversation.

Will you?

The post Can You Disagree? appeared first on The Journal by Daniel M. Rose. It was written by Daniel M. Rose.

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