I have been thinking about the nature of conversations lately. With the political season ramping up and discussions about RFRA and other big issues hitting the spot light, it has me thinking about how we engage with those who are different from us.
What I’m seeing are two kinds of people. The first is the “belligerent tool”. The second is the “milksop doormat”. Both are unhelpful and neither really bring anything to the conversation.
There’s a third way. A better way.
The belligerent tool is the person who cares more about being right, than getting it right. This person will pick fights and arguments for the sake of winning. He or she couldn’t care less about “truth” or anything along those lines. They just want to walk away from an argument claiming victory. They use terrible logic and thinking to bring about that end. If they realize that they are losing they start name calling and making personal attacks on their “opponent”. When the opponent cries foul, they call them thin-skinned or weak.
The milksop doormat is despicable as well. They are rutter-less, they have no backbone, or hold to anything. They take note of the prevailing winds and go with it. They want to be broadly liked. They just want everyone to “love” one another. They don’t care so much about folks getting it right, as long as everyone is happy and feels good. When engaging with this person you’re often left wondering, “When are we going to sing kumbaya?”
But there is a third way. There is a way to engage where you don’t have to be a belligerent tool or a milksop doormat. The third way is the learner with conviction. The learner with conviction understands and knows what they think to be true. However, they have a unique skill that they have worked hard to develop, humility. This skill allows them to actually be interested in what the other person has to say. It allows them to hear from the person with whom they are discussing a topic. They can ask legitimate questions, they can seek to understand the other’s presuppositions and also be willing to evaluate their own. They care more about getting it right than being right. They are willing to argue for and stand for their convictions but with the humility to know that they might be wrong.
This third way is hard. It takes practice. You have to work at it. Each of us must make a decision to embrace it and then keep at it. Most of us will default to belligerence or doormat. But, we can fend those off and choose to be a learner with conviction.
Which are you?
Don’t know? Head back to your Facebook account and take a look at how you engage in comment threads. Better yet, ask someone else to do that for you.
The post On Conversation appeared first on The Journal by Daniel M. Rose. It was written by Daniel M. Rose.
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