>The Power of Apology

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Posted by Robin Schmidt on June 23rd, 2009

Have you ever been hurt? It is usually the people closest to us that hurt us.

Is it ever easy to ask someone's forgiveness? Is it ever easy to say, I was wrong, I am sorry, please forgive me?

It may be even harder to grant forgiveness.

Growing up I can't remember my father ever saying he was sorry. We talked about that many years ago. I shared a specific memory about an incident that took place when I was 14. It began with me hurting my dad and then him not speaking to me. I said I was sorry and he wouldn't speak. What made an impression on a 14 year old, didn't stay with a 30something. My father said he didn't remember that event. But, he said, it sounded like him. Then he said,

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Two words. Spoken decades after the event, yet I could feel the hurt melting away. I could FEEL it. And now when I remember that event, the sting is gone.

I think that is what we call redemption. And forgiveness is a part of it.

Forgiveness is so important. To seek it, to give it. However hard it might be, it is so very important.

I have done some reading about dementia. It has hit close to home and so I have tried to understand what is happening, what has robbed me of someone I love.

Dementia refers to many symptoms/diseases describing various malfunctioning of the brain. Someone affected by dementia may not be able to retrieve information, or memories. They may not be able to connect faces and names and people. Someone with dementia is lost within their own brain. But there is one part of the brain that dementia does not touch.

Dementia does not injure the part of the brain that stores our emotions. No matter what else we lose, we will be able to recall emotions.

Emotions like anger.

I told a friend the other day that I fear dementia. I don't want to be trapped in my brain. I don't want to be trapped in my negative emotions. I don't want to store up a bunch of anger and then be trapped in it.

I don't know what the future holds for me. Maybe I will suffer from Alzheimer's. Maybe I will suffer from "hardening of the arteries". Maybe I will remain as lucid as I am today. I can neither predict nor control what happens.

I can, however, choose to follow Jesus. I can choose to humble myself and ask forgiveness when I wrong someone.

And when I am hurt, I can choose to forgive. I can choose to let Jesus redeem my past, my mistakes, my emotions.

Forgiveness may be hard, seeking it, giving it. But living with unforgiveness looks a lot like hell.

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Urban Exile: Gran Torino

I read this article this morning because I am always interested to see what people have to say about Michigan and Detroit.  Usually it's some sort of comedic piece or a good chuckle at the ineptitude of the city's political structure.  However, this morning when I read this Out of Ur post on Gran Torino I was moved.

You see, it's not everyday that you see a snapshot of Detrtoit that points to the racial and the spiritual. But, here we do. I have worked in and around the city of Detroit for four years. My first three and a half took place on the college campuses and for the last six months I have been in the suburbs working at Grace Chapel, EPC.  In my time here I have been amazed by what is happening in and around our city.

Many people look at 8 Mile and Telegraph, those grand dividers as the keys to what's going on here.  The reality is that they aren't.  There is a movement growing of the emerging generation to re-engage in a real way the very real problems that our city faces.  They see the problems.  They live the problems.  Yet, when you go to Wayne State University or talk to people from Citadel (a multi-ethnic church in the heart of the city) you begin to glimpse a different picture: hope.

Whereas our parents generation was one "lost in space", our generation is one that seeks to rectify those problems and change the future. Are we despairing? Yes. Are we frustrated with an institutional agenda that makes change difficult? Yes. Are we without hope? No.

As I think about what David Swanson says in his article I can't help but think that this is the generation that will change the tide. We can only hope.

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>The Road Not There

>Robert Frost took the road less traveled, and it made all the difference. But what about when the choice is not between two roads, but moving forward where there is no path at all?

Posted by Robin Schmidt on June 11th, 2009

We are the "sandwich" generation. Sandwiched between the needs of our parents and our children. I am feeling it. If I am feeling anything. Sometimes the feelings are hard to identify. Sometimes the path is more so.

What is the line between free will and predestination? Doug tackled this tough question a few weeks back. We do have choices to make, and they will have consequences and we are not sovereign and we cannot control those consequences. Those ideas and realities and ramifications are complex enough, however, it is not that simple.

No, it is not as simple as my choices. I stand connected to others and we all have choices. And our choices impact each other.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth."

If only I could find that yellow wood where there are two roads. I wish! I stand at the beginning of woods and there is no path at all. Alongside me are family members, also about to embark on travel through the woods. And though we will travel together as much as possible, we are not traveling as a group; there is no leader and no consensus.

I know others who have traveled these woods. Some seem as lost as I. Some are deep into the woods and have tales to share. But no two travelers adventures are near enough each other that a path begins to develop. No path. No road.

So here we go. I think I see a way that may prove passable. But no one will follow. In fact, I am waved off and confidently, recklessly, the journey is begun in a whole different direction.

But wait! I shout, I see some hazards ahead and we should prepare. This falls on deaf ears and on they plow with speed and haste and no thought to what lies ahead.

A creek appears and in we fall, we're now wet and soaked right through. But we don't stop, no on we go and picking up the pace. Next I see a place where the ground will fall away. Look there, I say, we should consider how best to traverse what is next.

Oh sure, is the answer, let us take care that we do not get wet again. But water was the last obstacle, not the next, and now we are preparing for what has passed. So when the ground begins its steep descent, we are not ready still, we could now meet a creek, but that has passed, so down we quickly fall.

I say, perhaps we could stop a bit and plan for what comes ahead. No time! Is the response. There is too much to do, all things in their own good time.

I pick myself up and stop and stare and wonder what are my options?

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:"
(No roads were there) in a wood, and I -
I took...

I took...

I took the hand of the One who made the woods,
and that has made all the difference.

(With apologies to Robert Frost, but sir, you left no map.)

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Connector Churches

I read this today and thought that the nine traits listed in Ed's book are really insightful.  What do you think?

http://blogs.lifeway.com/blog/edstetzer/

Creating Deeper Community
Churches that are effective at attracting and developing young adults place a high value on moving people into a healthy small group system. Young adults are trying to connect and will make a lasting connection wherever they can find belonging.

Making a Difference through Service

Churches that are transforming young adults value leading people to serve through volunteerism. More than being pampered, young adults want to be part of something bigger than themselves and are looking to be part of an organization where they can make a difference through acts of service.

Experiencing Worship

Churches that are engaging young adults are providing worship environments that reflect their culture while also revering and revealing God. More than looking for a good performance, young adults desire to connect with a vertical experience of worship.

Leveraging Technology

Churches that are reaching young adults are willing to communicate in a language of technology familiar to young adults. Young adults sense that these churches are welcoming churches that value and understand them, engaging them where they are.

Building Cross-Generational Relationships

Churches that are linking young adults with older, mature adults are challenging young adults to move on to maturity through friendship, wisdom, and support. Young adults are drawn to churches that believe in them enough to challenge them.

Moving Toward Authenticity

Churches that are engaging young adults are reaching them not only by their excellence but by their honesty. Young adults are looking for and connecting to churches where they see leaders that are authentic, transparent, and on a learning journey.

Leading by Transparency

Churches that are influencing young adults highly value an incarnational approach to ministry and leadership. This incarnational approach doesn't require revealing one's personal sin list so much as it does require that those in leadership must be willing to express a personal sense of humanity and vulnerability.

Leading by Team

Increasingly churches reaching young adults seem to be taking a team approach to ministry. They see ministry not as a solo venture but as a team sport--and the broader participation it creates increases the impact of ministry.

Is your church reaching young adults? If so, are any of these traits proving to me more instrumental than the others in your context?

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